Fodder for my Blog

So, I was asked not to blog about it, but I think it's ok if I don't name the person who did it. It's a pretty funny story, but it would be even funnier if you knew who I was blogging about. But you don't. This person was sitting down, eating some cashews out of a bowl. This person then lit a cigarette (yes, a smoker - get over it) and enjoyed the cigarette and put it out. Well, apparently, this person, in their old age is getting a little shaky in the memory department and decided to have some of the aforementioned cashews. The only problem is, this person picked up a cigarette butt out of the ashtray thinking it was a cashew! I don't think said person actually got the butt all the way in the mouth (that would have been a better story!). Now I didn't notice any of this happening. I guess I was in my own little world thinking random thoughts again. You would think that this person would just leave it alone. If I were this person, I would think to myself, "OK. Good. She didn't see that. Now she can never, ever blog about it." But, no, this person decides to tell me about it and said that it was not fodder for my blog. Well, it IS fodder for my blog. I didn't give the person's identity away, although I could have. And it would have been much more satisfying to me, if I had. I think this person secretly loves giving me fodder for my blog and just won't admit it. Maybe someday, if I'm patient, this person will allow me to reveal his/her identity. Until then, I guess you'll just have to keep on guessing! Keep on laughing and have a great day!

Hmmm...

Dear Staff: Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our company. ATTIRE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. SURGERY: As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed to the Unemployment Office. Have a nice day. Human Resources Dept.