A Healthy Level of Sanity

Contributed by my BFF Donna in Mississippi. I can't wait to see you in 37 more days!! How to maintain a healthy level of sanity: 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked ar with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom at work. Don't disguise your voice! 3. End every sentence with, "In accordance with the prophecy." 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso. 5. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for marijuana" 6. Skip down the hall ratherthan walk and see how many looks you get. 7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 8. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go". 9. Sing along at the opera. 10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache. 11. When the money comes out of the ATM, screm, "I won! I won!" 12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!" 13. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the state of the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." I think the last one is my personal favorite...though the diet water one is great, too.