Too Broke - Chapter 2

Saturday morning I woke up around 6:30 a.m.; pretty much the very moment the sun hit our tent. Surprisingly, I felt great! Just needed some coffee and an aspririn to get me going. And thanks to the good folks at the CMA, there was plenty of coffee for everyone! I lured Big D out of the tent with a cup of coffee and gave him a breakfast burrito the CMA had made. After we both woke up a bit, and sat around the fire chatting with friends, I decided that I wanted a shower. Well, I needed a shower. We learned that the coin-operated showers were near the general store. Someone told me they were $6.00 to operate. Someone else told me there was an hour wait. I was willing to pay $6.00. I was not willing to wait an hour. So I brought $12.00 with me. I figured I could offer to pay for someone's shower and get at the front of the line. :) That wasn't necessary, as I had received some bad information. The showers were $2.00 for 5 minutes and it was only about a 20 minute wait. The shower was cold and refreshing. I totally needed it. When I got back to camp, Big D decided that he was going to drop off the bike at the pinstriper in the vendor area. After he got back to camp he said he ran into at least 60 people that knew him, but he didn't know them. They were calling out, "Hey, Caveman!" He couldn't understand it. I told him that he was the man with the camera Friday night, so he was everybody's best friend. :) We walked up to the vendor area after a while and chatted with friends we ran into. Then I decided I needed an ice cream cone. Yum! So while sitting down with my ice cream, I spotted this guy with a rubber pig nose on his face. I asked him if I could get a picture, and he insisted that I be in the picture. So there I am with my ice cream cone, my holographic middle finger glasses, and my Too Broke shirt taking a picture with Piggynose. (Which is what I called him after that. He loved it.) We sat and watched the biker games for a while in the arena. The slow races were pretty funny. They had one game where they gave the passenger a fishing net and they had to pick up as many stuffed animals as they could along the course. I had never seen that one before, but it was definitely amusing. Then, of course, the weenie bite. One chick got the whole weenie! Another one nearly fell off trying. I really wanted to do the weenie bite, but the bike was still at the pinstriper, so it was a no-go. Oh, well, there's always next year. :) We picked up the bike from the pinstriper (which came out absolutely incredible!) and rode back to camp. At this point, we pretty much sat around, drank and talked to everyone. Then Linda decided we were going over to the 81 supporters camp to share some love. Tequila. So off we went. Linda works for Quick Throttle magazine, so she brought her camera and told all the ladies they would get a shot of tequila for a shot of their exposed parts on camera. It worked out well for Linda. She even got some guys to participate! At this point, things get a bit fuzzy. I know we ate dinner somewhere in there, but it was too late. Jack and Jose were already having a battle and I was getting out of control. I recall getting ready to go to the bar. I remember me and Linda putting on our pasties. Mine were sparkly pink stars, and hers were bright red lips. :) I don't think I made it all the way to the bar, though. After this, all I remember is waking up Sunday morning with a NASTY hangover. Sunday, we broke down camp pretty early so we could try to beat the heat coming back into Phoenix. No such luck, though, as one of the guys we rode down with had some mechanical issues. Big D had to use a bungee cord to keep the guys exhaust on his bike until we got some bolts. He is such a MacGuyver! By the time we got home, it was 3:30 p.m. and 110°F. It was like riding into the wind of a hair dryer set on the highest heat setting. Disgusting. It was so hot, I didn't even complain about my ass hurting from the stupid seat. We walked through the house, into the backyard and jumped in the pool. After that, I went to bed and pretty much slept all night. All in all it was a great weekend. We connected with lots of old friends, and made some great new ones, too.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Too Broke - Chapter 1

Thursday night included a lot of running around, packing, visiting friends and waiting for the mechanic to finish Big D's bike. We picked up the bike around midnight. Yep, and KSU time was 6:30 a.m. After picking up Big D's bike in New River, we had to go home, which is 35 miles away. Not a bad ride in normal conditions. However these were not normal conditions. About a mile or two after we hit the freeway, a HUGE dust storm attacked. I was behind Big D in the Buick, and it looked like he was riding sideways. The rain drops were like mini-water balloons, seriously...I've never seen anything like it. One rain drop soaked half my windshield! Then I saw Big D nearly taken out by a random piece of flying debris. It came VERY close to his head. We finally made it home, and Big D was set to put on our new Mustang seat that he bought from Craigslist that day. Apparently, a Wide-Glide Dyna seat doesn't fit a regular Dyna. Never fear, Big D had an idea. He put on this Badlander seat he had in the garage. Hmmmm...this was not good. This was equivalent to riding on the bare fender for me. Big D thought it would be helpful because it had softer edges than the other seat we had. Not so much. My ass still hurts and we've been back for more than 24 hours. Time to find a new seat. Riding up to Mormon Lake on Friday morning was incredible! Once we got out of the valley and the heat, it was a gorgeous ride. We stopped in Pine at the Sidewinder for bloody marys and in Happy Jack for lunch. After eating a great lunch, we walked outside to get ready to roll to Mormon Lake, when we saw a terrible accident. A bike was turning right into the Happy Jack campground (where we were) and the bike behind him smacked right into him. I don't think he ever hit his brakes. We just heard a loud crash. Biker #1, who was hit from behind was ok. Biker #2 (Billy), who did the hitting, wasn't. He was conscious, but he was air-lifted out to an area hospital. It just so happened that one of Billy's friends was in our group. We got an update on Saturday that Billy was in ICU with 4 cracked ribs and a punctured lung, and was having a tough time. Prayers for Billy, please. So, after we knew the accident scene was being handled and we were no longer needed, we got back on the road to get our campsite secured. It's first-come, first-served at Too Broke. Once we started getting set up at camp, the beer started flowing. We walked around, checked out the vendors and drank. This is when I realized that the front door of our tent was set up on top of an ant hill. Uh-oh. I grabbed my Deep Woods Off and began spraying. After killing most of the ants, I sprayed the Off in a big semi-circle to make a perimeter around our tent opening. That kept the ants away all weekend! Big D and I went to dinner at the Mormon Lake Lodge restaurant on Friday night, where I had my very first Buffalo Burger. It was AWESOME!! I wanted another one before we left, but it didn't work out. After dinner, we hit the general store for some necessities, and headed back to camp. We were just in time for the Miss Too Broke contest! It was nice to see a 'real' woman win the contest instead of some skinny little bitch with fake boobs. Congrats to Joann for winning! Linda and Raven from our group both entered the contest, but it wasn't in the cards for them this year. Better luck in 2010. :) After the Miss Too Broke contest, things get a little fuzzy for me. Big D took pics of the tattoo contest. There was a band. I think they were good. I remember the guy with the Boob-O-Meter. And the beads, too. :) I'm not sure I recall getting back to our tent Friday night, but I know I woke up there, and my boots were off, so I was good! Thanks to the good folks of the CMA that camped right next to us. They were up at the crack of dawn making breakfast burritos and serving coffee to anyone who wanted it! They can camp next to me ANYTIME!!! More memories and a great slideshow in the next post. I will say that I don't recall much of Saturday night, but the day was fun! That's the problem when you start drinking at 10:30 a.m.

Things I Learned at Too Broke For Sturgis

Our weekend at Too Broke For Sturgis was a total blast. We had a great time, and have some really great pictures, which I will put up later. Right now, I would like to share some things that I learned this weekend:

1. When you buy a Mustang seat from Craigslist, make sure it fits the bike first. :(
2. Badlander seats cause undue amounts of pain in the region below the waist.
3. Not all pasties are created equal. :)
4. Jose Cuervo Especial and Jack Daniels DO NOT mix.
5. Tents are easier to put up if you read the directions first.
6. Deep Woods Off will kill ants on the ground...and keep them away from your tent all weekend.
7. Aspirin is necessary when camping.
8. Watching a motorcycle accident happen right in front of your eyes makes for a very nervous passenger.
9. Porta-pottys are NASTY.
10. A cold shower after a long day of riding really is priceless.
11. Pinstriping can really change the look of your bike. :)

Some Randomness

I haven't had a lot of time to post, lately. I've been extremely busy with school, work, etc. All my hard work paid off, though. I got an A in the first math class I've taken in more than 20 years! I'm still scratching my head over that! That was Algebra I. Last night, I started Algebra II. So for the next 5 weeks I'll be struggling with polynomials and exponents. Yeah, good times. Road Captain commented on the "My Hometown" post that his parents lived in my hometown, not very far from where I grew up. I wonder if I knew them. Or if my parents did. Small world. Seems like Joker is too busy to even leave comments for us bloggers, lately. That sucks. I wonder if he's getting ready for his trip to Sturgis? I wonder if he'll comment on this post? We're getting ready for Too Broke for Sturgis this weekend. We are scheduled to leave Friday at 7:00 a.m. It will be a beautiful ride up north, as we are going the back way, not on I-17. We're lucky enough to be riding with a group that has a chase vehicle and a trailer, so I am bringing our stuff to Linda's house tomorrow night to be loaded into the chase vehicle Friday morning. We'll be partying like rock stars all weekend...I cannot wait! I promise to take plenty of pics. For those of you that aren't in the know...my 11-year-old daughter took her first cross-country flight by herself last week. She's flown with me and Big D since she was 2, but this is the first time she did it alone. She's visiting her big sister, brother-in-law, and nephew in VA. She was a little nervous, but she did fine. There was a layover, and she actually slept from Detroit to VA! She's been to the beach, they are going to Water Country, and maybe Busch Gardens. She'll be back next week, and I can't wait. I really miss her! Our kitty, Springer is a noisy little shit. I think he's part Siamese. He meows a lot...and he's LOUD! I also think he's missing Vicki...she's been with him 24/7 since we got him. Finally, here are some ads I read about online somewhere. The headline was 'Ads the Celebs Don't Want You To See. Some are amusing, others stupid. Enjoy!

My Hometown

I always thought my hometown was cool. Big D called it snobby. And truth be told, a lot of snobby people do live there. But I wasn't one of them. Well apparently Money Magazine thought my hometown was pretty cool, too. So cool, in fact, that they made it #37 of their 100 Best Places to Live 2009! "A bedroom community of Boston with unemployment lower than the national average, Easton has a classic New England downtown that quickly yields to farmland." Yes, they do have quite a bit of farmland! And beautiful open fields, ponds, woods, etc. I grew up outdoors. No sitting around watching TV all day unless you were sick! I saw the article this morning, and it made me a little homesick. I always get a little homesick when it's 115° out. I would like nothing better than to be sitting on the beach on Cape Cod right now. At least I never got heat stroke there. But that's another blog for another day. I'm just so proud of my little hometown, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Sturgis? No. Too Broke? Yes.

Now you may be thinking the title of this post means we are too broke to go to Sturgis this year, and that is, in part, true. I also can't take the time off from work, so the money doesn't even come into play. The title of this post, however, refers to ABATE of AZ's 18th annual Too Broke For Sturgis Rally. Up in the pines of northern Arizona at Mormon Lake, this is the rally of the year in AZ. Today, while enjoying a few of my favorite libations with our BACA crew, we were invited by Linda Dahl at Quick Throttle to ride up to TBFS with her group, and a trailer will be taking our gear up the night before we leave. How cool is that? It took all of 3 seconds for Linda to convince us all to go. Thank you, Linda! So, now I extend the invitation for those who cannot make it to Sturgis this year, and you know who you all are...come party with us at Too Broke!!! :) Here are the really important details (in case you can't click on the link!): When: Friday, July 24th - Sunday, July 26th How much: $30/per person FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND! So, anyone up for a trip?? Let us know!

Every Story Has a Moral

I received this email yesterday from my friend Bev in Rhode Island. She usually doesn't send jokes, so I knew it had to be really good. It is. True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of this story is...

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

In My Pocket

I have memories in my pocket.They rattle among the change. My memories of you are treasures I carry wherever I go. They are stored in bits and pieces, parts of a beautiful whole. They give me comfort when I think I am alone. Yes, I have memories in my pocket, like so much other stuff I keep there. But of all the treasures I have, it’s the memories of you that are the most precious.

4th of July Party Detail

Usually, what happens at our parties, stays at our parties. But I do have a short little story to tell, just because it was so damned funny! I don't know what time it was, but it was pretty dark out. Big D and a few others were in the hot tub, and Big D says, "Watch this...it's my James Bond move." The next thing everyone heard was a very loud "THUNK!" Jeff said, "Was that Caveman?!" I ran over to see what had happened, and there's Big D, sitting on the cover of the hot tub, which is on the ground. WTF?! Of all the times I didn't have my camera at hand! He looked like a little kid wondering what the hell gravity was!!!!! LMFAO!!! Once I realized there were no injuries, I couldn't stop laughing. I think Sarah and I laughed for an hour. My stomach still hurts from laughing. James Bond move, indeed! I still don't know what he was trying to do, but I doubt he accomplished it! Hope you all had a happy 4th!

How To Tell The Sex of a Bird

Until now I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until now. Below are two birds. Study them closely...see if you can spot which of the two is the female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills..

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Happy Independence Day

Today is our nation's 233rd birthday. In honor of this birthday, we will be celebrating our independence! I hope you will be, too. During your celebrations this weekend, please do not forget the reason you are celebrating. It's not just another day off from work, people! Here are a few images to remind you...

My Luck Keeps On Keepin' On

Since I won the grand prize at the Rumble on Rt 66, and the stuffed HD piggy, and the carriage ride, it seems my luck has been on a roll! I won an iPod Shuffle at work this week for being runner-up in a contest to name our new company intranet. That was pretty cool! Then yesterday, I got a call from someone in our HR dept. Apparently the name I chose (that won me the Shuffle) is the name HR chose to go with for their new benefits website. So they will be giving me some sort of prize for that, too! How cool is that?! I guess I should shut up and go play the Powerball now, huh?

Technical Difficulties

I very much want to post Day 3 of our trip, but I am having some difficulties with the video I captured of part of the trip. Once I get that figured out, I will post. Sorry for the delay, but the video is definitely worth it. :)