Words to Live By

Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid it will never begin.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Olan Mills: The Good, The Bad, and Mostly, The Ugly

I had someone comment that I haven't been blogging enough, or something to that effect. Sorry everyone! My mood has been nasty lately, and I'm sure most of you wouldn't appreciate the items that I was thinking of posting!

So, instead of venting my frustrations, I have something funny that I received in an email. I hope you all enjoy. I hope to be in a better mood soon. And I know this post is a bit long...but it's funny. So if you don't like long posts...don't bother! ;o)

Actual Olan Mills Photos

She's looking for the speaker that's piping in "Muskrat Love" so she can blast it with her laser eyes.

B-52's, the early years.

Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair

I got a $20 that says he drives a Camaro.

Kenneth and his prom date

Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie

Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara, where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery. (This Dorothy Hamill cut was very popular in 70's after Dorothy won Olympic gold. Both my sisters had the cut at different times. I did not).

The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill!

This photo isn't discolored. The 70s really were that Orange.

Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, pose with Scraps.

Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.

Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Shoney's.

Oh, this is super. What better way to capture the charm and innocence of a child than to plunk him down amid the coarse trappings of a life lived in pursuit of wealth -- oversized bills, an adding machine and the Wall Street Journal -- and make him sit inside a briefcase? (They probably just fold up the little demon right in there to carry him home.) The finishing touch is the globe, which completes the portrait of the young Antichrist in Chess King vest and Red Goose loafers, plotting his takeover of the world (insert maniacal laugh). That is, as soon as someone changes his poopy diaper.

Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?

Once they had two or three, how did they ever find enough time alone to make more?

It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser. And if you still own and wear one now...you're still a big fat loser!

The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.

That dude wore a tie for nothing.

Drake won Bitchin'est Senior Mullet by a landslide

Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin.

Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne


Mike said...

Freaking brilliant. I love this.

Mike said...

Oh, and as one that grew up in the 70's, I can assure you that they were indeed just that orange.

Kim Thomas said...

OK.....this was the funniest post of all time. You came back with a vengence!!!!

Queen B said...

lmao. great post!

Simply Curious said...

The I wore a tie for nothing guy actually made me giggle out loud. I needed this. Thanks Ann. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Lance, you are so lucky I'm married or I would be all over you!!

This post is absolutely, frickin hilarious! I need to save it to look at on a daily basis as the laughing seems to tighten my stomach muscles!

Don Lewis said...

OK, I will confess, unlike a lot of my blog reading, I actually laughed. And to further ratchet up the humor index; I called my wife in to read this as well. Finally, as the ultimate indication of funny: she laughed too.

You are really funny also.

Ann said...

Thanks, Don! Glad you liked it. This post was a big hit. Usually, when I'm taking out my angst on the blog, it's pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

This was hysterical. I almost peed my pants!