101 Ways You Know You're a Proud Bostonian

Well, I got this email today, and I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. It brought back some great memories of home, and I thought I would share them with you. My personal favorites are in bold and italicized. I hope you enjoy! 1 The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the greatest moments in your life. 2 The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at him for going too slow. 3 When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke. 4 You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid. 5 You actually enjoy driving around rotaries. 6 You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language - eva! 7 Your social security number starts with a 0. 8 You can actually find your way around Boston. 9 You know what a "regular" coffee is. 10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round. 11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent. 12. Springfield is located "way out west." 13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space. 14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Gloucester, and Haverhill. 15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise. 16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS within eyeshot at all times. 17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol. 18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski. 19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot. 20. You order iced coffee in January. 21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere. 22. You love scorpion bowls. 23. You know what they sell at a Packie. 24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS. 25. You know what First Night is. 26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Sully, Red, Bud or Seamus. 27. McLobster? McCrap! 28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high school drinking buddies. 29. Sure there are 6 New England states, but Connecticut really doesn't count. 30. You inten tionally give wrong directions to tourists, feel bad when they drive off, but then say to yourself, "Ah, screw 'em." 31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call. 32. You're sick of the Kennedy's, but you vote for them anyway. 33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not optional. 34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe. 35. You've been to Goodtimes before. 36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day. (...and they DO). 37. You have never been to "Cheers." 38. The words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together. 39. You've been to Fenway Park several times. 40. You've gone to at least one party at U Mass. 41. You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat. 42. You know what a Frappe is. 43. You've been to Hempfest. 44. You know who Frank Averuch is. 45. ADVANCED: You know who Bozo the Clown was. 46. You can complete the following: "Lynn, Lynn..." 47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it turns out to be friggin' Snows. 48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one. 49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time. 50. You never go to "Cape Cod," you go "down the Cape". 51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than Whitey Bulger. 52. You know who Whitey Bulger is. 53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school. 54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted Williams. 55. You remember Major Mudd. 56. You know what candlepin bowling is. 57. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day 58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is. 59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Speaking of which... 60. You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town. 61. Calling Carrabba's an "Italian" restaurant is sacrilege. 62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents' attic. 63. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line. 64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are in town. 65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't really that much of a surprise. 66. You call guys you've just met "Chief" or "Boss." 67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means there's just 3 more shopping days until Christmas. 68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy. 69. You refer to Savin Hill as "Stab 'n Kill." 70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to tourists. 71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it. 72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the rest of the country. 73. 11pm? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloon! 74. 2 am? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's Roast Beef! 75. 5am? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your back seat. 76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group. 77. People you don't like are all "Bastids." 78. You took school or work off for the Patriots first Super Bowl Victory Parade. 79. You've called something "wicked pissa." 80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis. 81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman. 82. Sunday mornings mean t the Three Stooges on Channel 38. 83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater. 84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman. 85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox. 86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time. 87. Your town has at least 6 sub shops, and none of them are a Subway. 88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frankie. 89. 20 degrees isn't that bad as long as there's no wind. 90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden. 91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long version of Alice's Restaurant. 92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was Athah Feedlah. 93. You know what the Combat Zone is. 94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax. 95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming >traffic so you can make a left. 96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop. 97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night. 98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual. 99. Hearing an old lady shout "Numbah 96 for Sioux City!" means it's time for steak. 100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Kresgees, Woolworth, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann & Hope. 101. You actually get these jokes!

Memorial Day Shout-Out!

Just a shout-out to all our veterans! Those currently with us, and those departed. We should all remember that you fought for our freedom, and you did it with honor. Thank you!

Funniest Damned Dream Ever!!!

One of our friends, who I will call 'Dreamer' to protect the innocent, told us about a very funny dream he had some years ago. It went like this: "We used to have a waterbed with shelves on the headboard. We had just put a phone on that shelf so we didn't have to run downstairs to get the phone in the middle of the night. One night the phone started to ring as I was dreaming. The ringing of the phone fit perfectly into my dream. I was dreaming that I had this new kind of alarm clock and the alarm was ringing. The only way to shut off the alarm was to pick it up (like a phone) and growl into it. (At this point, 'Dreamer' gives us a demonstration.) I picked up the phone and grrrroooowwwled into it and hung up. A few minutes later, the phone woke me up and the person said, "Did I just call you a minute ago?" and I said, "Nope." Now, I need to make a few observations about this dream: 1. I can picture this happening to me, but the caller would be my mother, and she would either a: know my growl - so I couldn't say it wasn't me or b: think I was having wild monkey sex and answered the phone (I would not answer the phone!) 2. I wish I could reveal identities on my blog so everyone could understand how very funny it is that this came from 'Dreamer'! I usually don't recall my dreams, but I do sleepwalk a lot, which is how this subject came up. I was going through a rather difficult time and I woke up in the middle of the night because I heard what I thought was the telephone. I walked downstairs to the spare bedroom, and picked up the alarm clock like a telephone and started yelling, "Hello" into the alarm clock. Daryl woke up and came downstairs looking for me. He shut off the alarm clock (no growling was necessary, just the push of a button!) and put me back to bed.

Happy Birthday To You, K!

Today is Kathleen's birthday. She currently works in hell, though a different one than mine! K - we should get together and trade 'Toxic Boss' stories sometime! I hope you have a happy, happy day! And may the only pain in your life be champagne!

ALS Awareness Month

You probably don't know that May is ALS Awareness Month. I didn't. I would never have known if ALS hadn't affected my family so profoundly. For those of you who do not know: my Dad had ALS. He passed away in January of 2005 after being diagnosed in October of 2004. If you're taking the time to read this blog, please take a moment to visit http://www.alsa.org. Tell a friend about it. Get the word out. Find your local chapter and get involved. My father's doctor told him in 2004 that we are at least 25 years away from a cure. Maybe if we get the word out, and get people to recognize this horrible disease, it won't take 25 years.

Just a Quick Note

I wanted to update my blog readers...I have not been lazy about updating the blog, though it may seem that way. I have been very busy at work since my co-worker Jackie left the company. As suspected, all her work was given to me by my lovely toxic boss. So, in between trying to catch up with all the work here and looking for a new gig, my blog has suffered. I apologize, and I promise to make a better effort going forward. Even if it's just a 'Quickie'.

Happy Birthday V!!!

Today is my BFF V's birthday! I won't say how hold she is (not that she would care) but I have a birthday coming up and she has a blog, and I DO care! ;o) I hope your birthday is wonderful V! See you on Sunday!

A Call From The School Nurse

It's never really a good thing when the school nurse calls you at work. Yesterday was no exception: Vicki had lice. I had to leave work to pick her up immediately. When I got there, I expected Vicki to be freaking out about 'bugs' in her hair. She was freaking out, but not about that. She was all worked up about spraying the furniture, her bed, washing her bedding, etc. She was afraid that I would be 'too tired' to do all that last night. Never fear: I got it all done. We bought the RID kit at Fry's and got to work. Let me just say, I have never, ever had to deal with this issue in my life! I never had it, and the other kids never got it, either. It took almost 3 hours between the shampoo and the gel and all that combing. Now I know why my girlfriend cut her daughter's hair short when she got lice! What a project! AND...I have to do all this again in 10 days! I have to say, Vicki was really good while I was doing all that combing with the microscopic-toothed comb that's included in the kit. She read her book the whole time and told me she was pretending to be at the salon! After we got her hair all taken care of, I put her bedding in the dryer (I called Big D and had him put it in the wash when I was on my way to pick her up at school). Then I washed all of Vicki's dirty clothes in hot water, then I sprayed all the furniture, her mattress, backpack, etc. By the time I was done with all the washing and spraying, we had just enough time for a quick bite to eat before Vicki's alteration appt last night for her flower girl dress! That will be another blog altogether! I had Big D check my head just in case, and I checked his, but we both lucked-out: No lice! Needless to say, I slept very well last night. Vicki did too. She told me this morning it was so nice that her head wasn't itchy anymore!

Vicki's End of the Year Concert and an Apology

Last night we witnessed 60 3rd graders singing "It's a Small World" and I couldn't help thinking of my Mom. Mom loves that song. I can remember being on the ride at DisneyWorld with her and Dad, and she wanted to ride it again and Dad said, "No way!" (The ride is about 15 minutes long, and the song plays throughout the entire ride!) Anyway, back on topic, it was Vicki's end of the year concert at school. They sang Boil Them Cabbage Down which is an old American folk song, You're a Grand Old Flag, and Take Me Out to the Ball Game. We got there a bit early and sat through the 2nd graders last two songs. While waiting for the 3rd graders to get on stage, me and Big D were talking and it went something like this: Big D: Are you crying? Me: No, my eyes are damp. Big D: You're a mess (laughs). Me: If I get teary-eyed at our 9 year-old's school concert, can you imagine me at Rex's wedding next month? Big D: Oh, boy. Well, the woman in front of us heard me say I had a 9-year-old and she did, too. So we were talking, and it turns out that this woman was the mother of the little girl who's been terrorizing my daughter in school. There was an incident just yesterday, and Vicki was taken to the office to start a harrassment report. Apparently, the mother knew none of this and asked us to stay after the concert was over so her daughter, Brianna could apologize to Vicki. The woman felt terrible, and she was really embarassed. So after the concert, we were to meet the kids back at their classroom. Big D and I walked with Brianna's Mom (I don't recall her name), and she made Brianna apologize to Vicki. It looked to me like Brianna could use a good beating, but what do I know? Brianna apologized while looking at her mother with laser rays coming out of her eyes. She was NOT happy. Her mother said that she gets picked on at the apartment complex where they live, and she couldn't believe that she would pick on someone else knowing how it feels. After that we went our separate ways, talked to Vicki's teacher for a few minutes and went home. It was a nice concert.

How Happy Am I?

My BFF - V now has her own blog, and she gives me all the credit! YAY! ;o) The blog looks great, V! I promise to read it every day! And, I have added a link to it on my favorite links list.

Goodbye & Good Luck Jackie!

Today was my co-worker (and good friend) Jackie's last day at work. She is heading to a better job in greener pastures with a nicer boss! I had planned on taking her out to lunch today. I had a Transportation Coordinators meeting downtown this morning. When I got back, she was gone! I was very surprised to see her desk empty so soon! So, here are some of the things I would have said to Jackie if she had stayed just a little longer:

• Good Luck
• Hope you don't have another Toxic Boss
• Thanks for the laughs
• I'll ask Kramer if he wants to buy your monitor (sorry I keep forgetting!)
• Thanks for having my back with the Toxic Boss
• Thanks for speaking your mind on all these 'issues'
• Goodbye
• I'll miss you
• I'm going to make you a tie ;oP

Take it easy, Jackie. Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye to you! Good luck at your new place of business! We'll do beers some Saturday by the pool - soon!

How I Celebrate Mother's Day

This year, I am going to celebrate Mother's Day by sipping drinks by the pool all day. While I am doing that, I will be thinking about the following:

• Rex and his fiance Deja who are in Virginia, in the Navy. They are getting married in June, and then will be stationed in either Guam or Hawaii (come on, Hawaii!).
• Eric and his wife Toshia who are stationed in Korea for a year, at two separate bases 4 hours apart. It will be a tough year for them, but they will persevere.
• Samantha who is also stationed in Virginia, in the Navy. She's out on her first cruise on her ship as I write this.
• Vicki who is in her final days of the 3rd grade, with quite possibly the absolute worst 3rd grade teacher in the world.
• Big D - who gave me all these wonderful children to love and worry about.
• My Mom, whom I consider to be one of the luckiest women alive for being happily married to my father for so many wonderful years, and to have 3 beautiful daughters like us.
• My sisters, who both have great families.
• My niece who is expecting her first child; a son.
• My friends that have been through hell with their kids, and have finally gotten them on the right road; and the ones who are still fighting.

These are the people that will be in my thoughts on Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day!

On Our Way to Virginia Beach!

The tickets have finally been purchased...and what a screamin' deal!!! I paid $551 for 3 round-trip tix from PHX to RDU. The average price for 3 tix to that area was about $1300! God bless Southwest Airlines! I saved over $700!!! YAY ME! Now I just have to get Big D's tux rented and get the alterations done on Vicki's flower girl dress. (It has a train, and it's too long.) I'll probably pay more for alterations than I paid for the dress! We're flying to the east coast for our oldest son's wedding. Rex and Deja will be exchanging vows on Virginia Beach. Right on the beach; how exciting is that? I really cannot wait to spend some quality time with the ocean that I so love and desperately miss!!! I'm also hoping to spend some time with our daughter Sammi, who is also in the Navy, like Rex & Deja. She too, is stationed in Virginia, but doesn't know if she'll be out to sea that week or not. We haven't seen her in a couple of years, so I'm hoping she's around, even though I know the damned US Navy doesn't acknowledge my vacation plans...who the hell do they think they are, anyway? They already screwed up Rex's plans to have his brother Eric as his best man, as Eric and his wife, Toshia are now in Korea for a year. (see blog from May 1st). So now Big Daddy is the best man (what an honor to have your son ask you to be your best man!) and he's been working on his toast. Clearly, it won't be as witty as any toast I would write, but I'm sure it will be just fine. Maybe I'll help him write it on the long flight.

Freezing Cold in the Arizona Desert??!!

On Saturday night Big D and I headed out to Morristown (out Wickenburg Way) on Grand Avenue (Hwy 60) on the new bike. We went to Western Trails Ranch with Ted & Julie. It was a beautiful day, but as we were headed out, it got noticeably cooler. By the time we got there, it was starting to get dark, and it was COLD! We forgot our jackets at home. I had on a sleeveless top and my leather vest. I thought I would be ok. We were watching 'The Wall of Death', where a guy rides an old Indian motorcycle in this cylinder-shaped space, and actually rides up on the walls. It's pretty cool if you've never seen it before. Anyway, Big D noticed goose bumps on my arms, and said he was going back home to get our jackets. I told him he didn't have to, but he insisted. While he was gone, Ted & Julie started to get cold. I told them to go get their jackets from their bike; they didn't want to get them while I still didn't have one. Finally, Ted went to get the jackets. Big D took about an hour, but let me tell you: I was so cold when he got back that it took me about 30 minutes to warm up again! You see, Western Trails Ranch is a 12-acre property with bars, BBQ, burgers, etc., and it's an outdoor venue. They cater to the biker crowd, and it was a great place. We saw Dr. Hook, and they were great. (They have two outdoor stages there, too.) So, we sat by the fire and had a few beers, some laughs and listened to some good music. Then it was time to head home. It was very late and very cold out. We had no gloves with us, but at least we had the jackets!! YAY! We took off down Grand Ave, and it was VERY cold! I put my hands in the armholes of Big D's vest to keep them out of the wind. That worked very well. Then, we cross the Loop 303, and all of a sudden, the temperature went up about 15 degrees!! It was actually almost comfortable! Apparently, it gets a lot colder out Wickenburg way then it does in town. The 'heat island' effect is in full force. All the concrete, etc. is holding the heat of the day and keeping it a lot warmer at night. I was aware of this effect, but I had never experienced anything like it before. I was very thankful for the 'heat island' on Saturday night, because riding a Harley out in the open desert at night can be extremely chilly!!

Obituary of the Late Mr. Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

• Knowing when to come in out of the rain
• Why the early bird gets the worm
• Life isn't always fair
• Maybe it was my fault

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in herlap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm a Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day... "We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional and other bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights." ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy. ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes . (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to work....don't expect everyone else to take care of you!) ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but if it would turn out the same way as current public housing, we're not interested in public health care. ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you put away for the rest of your sorry life. ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure. ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!) ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights. ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (and Last but not least....) ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one God. You are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all, with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH! (As you all know, I am not a religious freak or a bible-thumping right-winger, but history is history and cannot be rewritten!)

The Greek Pizza Guy From Boston!

How cool is it that the owner of the new pizza & sub place near our house is Greek and from Boston?! His name is Nick. I am not going to attempt spelling his last name; as I said, he's Greek. I'm sure it's something-opoulis. Anyway, he and I started talking and it turns out that his wife is back east visiting family in Hideaway Village! For those of you not in the know: Hideaway Village is where I spent half my childhood summers! It's a small village of cottages right on the beach in Buzzards Bay. We talked some more, and I learned that we know some of the same people, too! Very cool! Then Nick tells me that he has been in Arizona for a year, and he hates it. He hates the heat, hates the food, hates everything. He's thinking about moving back, but he also hates the snow! I know how he feels about the snow...that's a four-letter word! I also hate the food here. I think once you have lived in Boston where there's fresh seafood everywhere you go, and some of the best Italian food in the country; well, you just can't find anything like that west of the Mississippi. So I told Nick that we have stayed here so long because we hate the snow there more than we hate the food here. He said that's why he opened the pizza place: he does too! It was nice talking to him. My husband asked me how I could understand him (he has a really thick Greek accent) and I told him it was reminiscent of talking to my grandfather when he was still alive. I understood him perfectly. What a trip! Oh, and the pizza was absolutely THE BEST that we've had since moving here almost 7 years ago! Woo-hoo!

Farewell, Eric & Toshia

Last night, our son Eric called to say goodbye. He is flying to Seoul, Korea today for a one-year stint. His wife, Toshia is flying out to the same locale on Thursday. We will miss them terribly. I realize we were lucky to have them so close for the last 4 years. They were stationed at Davis Monthan AFB in Tucson, AZ. No more surprise visits on the weekends. No more trips to the casino so Eric can play Blackjack. No more shopping at the commissary with Eric. No more 'Air Force Lackeys' sleeping all over my family room. No more visits to Old Tucson Studios - not like the last time. Now it will be letters and care packages, and maybe the occasional phone call. That's ok. Good luck, Eric & Toshia; in Korea, and then on to England! We will take lots of pictures at the wedding for you! Love, Ann & Dad