Words to Live By

Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid it will never begin.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Potential Company-Wide Email From Me

Dear Jackass (or Jackasses): I know one or more of you are stealing my SlimFast from the fridge on the 1st floor. I don't know why you do it, but let me explain my feelings:
  • I am TIRED of drinking water for lunch when you steal my SlimFast
  • I get VERY CRANKY when I'm hungry
  • If you're a fattie (like I was), buy your own f'ing SlimFast!!!
  • If you cannot afford your own, WHY do you think I can afford to buy it for TWO???

Now for the facts:

  • I have lost 20 lbs
  • I wish to continue to lose weight
  • Because of your actions, some poor soul who just happens to be drinking a SlimFast will be attacked on sight by a very hungry ME!

This is your warning to cease and desist immediately! I am contacting Field Services to install a web cam trained on that fridge. I will find you if you continue.

8 comments:

Veronnica said...

OMG! I can't believe they are still stealing your Slimmies! That's just plain rude! Let the Witch Hunt Begin!!!!

Kim Thomas said...

I would seriously advise against sending this email!

Congrats on the weight loss

Ann said...

Kim, thanks for the advice. I wasn't going to send it, that's why I have a blog! ;o)

Bumble Bee said...

Ann, There are several ways to get even with the thief.
1. Take 1 can you have no plans of drinking and douse it in some disgusting liquid (Think Toilet), then place in fridge.
2. Puncture small hole near the rim of the can, inject a small amount of Visine into the can. (Visine causes "Hershey Squirts" if ingested)

If neither 1 or 2 work, please repost and we shall come up with more ideas.

Ruth Anne said...

2 thoughts
1-Maybe the perpetrator wants you to starve and lose even more weight. A nice guy is disguise.

2-It is an emotional eater that eats out of shame. In that case, leave a copy of the book, "When Food is Love" in the frige next to the slimfast.

Shannon said...

I say you leave a can of slimfast in the fridge that has been left in the heat for like, oh i dunno, an hour or two just to the point where it's bad but won't make you too sick. then stick it in the fridge and whoever takes it will think twice the next time they ever want to drink a slimfast

Ann said...

Everyone, thanks for all of the ideas! I may try one or two of them! I will let you know the results in a future post!

Queen B said...

I'm always at my worst when I'm hungry. That is AWFUL!